the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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