none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
as a side note pls kill me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
