my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
