Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
