I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
