foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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