Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
