im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think a kid would responsible me up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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