Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Drunk is not a location!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
