Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
