Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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