I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
