Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
