I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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