I looked at my own cervix.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
