She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
