my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The uberlube is also flammable
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
