Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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