forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
