You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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