She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
