Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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