Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
