It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
