chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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