Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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