WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
