oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
