dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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