i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
