do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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