Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Never underestimate the power of titties
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