I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
