As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize