Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
