It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize