Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
