so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
