woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
