Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
