i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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