Your face is a jimmy john
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize