Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
