oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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