do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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