I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
