I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
