I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
