you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Vodka?
Forever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
