I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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