We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
