how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
barbara walters just said penis...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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