I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
