3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
