WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
