Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
