Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
