i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
