there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
