Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
