i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
