I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
