im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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