dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
