Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i drank out of a bidet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
