If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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