I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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