I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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