Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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