My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
