I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am in a vortex of obligation.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
