Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize