Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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