I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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