So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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