So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
