are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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