remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize