are you still at the devil's house?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
