What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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