She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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