Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
