Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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