So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
