Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am naked and annoyed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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