dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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