Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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