Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
