i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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