we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize