Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
