that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
FUCK WHALES
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
