Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
