There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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