Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
