My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
